How and Why Did I Get Stuck In the First Place?

The experiences and cultural conditioning of early childhood; of family, school, and society, have a profound and frequently damaging affect on our lives - on our capacity for health, happiness and wellbeing. Deep down, we believe we’re not good enough or loveable enough, and over time these self-limiting beliefs create a filter between us and our direct experience, which means we find ourselves caught in a loop, endlessly bringing the past into the present and on into the future.

When we were young these feelings were so painful a biological drive to secure love, food, and shelter kicked in and we unconsciously fixed our attention on doing all and everything to avoid feeling them. We numbed the pain out and began the process of adapting to our environment, taking on activities we hoped would make us more loveable. We did whatever we could to get the attention we craved, and became good, bright happy girls and boys. We became the helpful one, the funny one, the quiet one, the rebellious one etc. But in doing so, we abandoned the truth of our natural state, of our wild and precious selves. We suppressed our true feelings, emotions, and impulses in favour of presenting this new, more acceptable version. And whilst this is the most creative and loving thing we ever did for ourselves, the affect on the rest of our life has been devastating. What began as a childish activity to secure love, quickly became a habit - the habit became a pattern - the pattern became the fixed identity we eventually called ‘Me’.

But this one who you think you are is nothing more than a stuck pattern on replay that acts out your life in totally predictable ways.

However wonderful and caring your parents were, as a helpless infant you felt anxious and ashamed for having basic needs. So whilst lying in their arms you unconsciously scanned your environment, searching for clues - and abandoning the wisdom of your felt-sense, you asked yourself these simple questions: How do I have to be in order to be loved? What do I have to do to get my needs met? 

And so it was, your identity was born. You simply cobbled together a predictable pattern of behaviour as an attempt to please your family, in the hope they would love and feed you. And because most of the patterns were created before you could talk, you never got to check out what and how your family actually wanted you to be. You just absorbed their responses to your impulses and made it up as you went along. Maybe, like me, you took the, if I'm quiet they'll love me route, or maybe you went for, he who shouts loudest gets heard. Whatever it was, your need for survival was so great you just carried on twisting and bending, moving further and further away from your true nature.

And the difficulty is that these patterns continue to dominate your life, they steal your energy and attention, creating a filter between you and your direct experience, they force you act in ways that silence you and hold you back from the richness of life and the sweetness of love. And until we can find the courage to relate with, and unravel, these patterns our habitual search for love and approval will run our lives - this childish, adaptive activity we call ‘Me’, will continue to act out, projecting its fakery onto every relationship and situation we encounter. And in doing so, we’ll continue to leave our hearts on the doorstep of estranged parents, childhood crushes, and teen romances - in the coffins of those who died and left us bereft. We’ll leave our sexuality in the hands of our abusers and the lips of the lovers that took us and left. Our confidence will sit forever in the pockets of frustrated teachers and fists of bullies who told us we weren’t good enough. Our creativity will shrink in the smirk of the mean girl or boy. Our trust and strength and aliveness will hide in the shadow of parents and siblings who couldn't see us, appreciate us, or validate us in ways that we needed. The very uniqueness and light of our being will remain snuffed out and dumbed down by the bland corridors of familial conditioning, dulled by the avenues of cultural smog.

Every human being creates this bundle of patterns and that finding a way to ensure your survival was the cleverest, bravest, most creative thing you ever did. These patterns aren't your enemy, they served you well, but now it’s time to question - are they serving you still?

Reclaiming Your Wild & Precious Life is a unique opportunity to finally meet your past - to gently relate with the painful memories of a tiny child - to give them the big reassuring hug they've been longing for - so you can finally free yourself from your history, reclaim your life, and live the truth and fullness of who you truly are... and from here witness your life unfold in truly mysterious ways - from here to reclaim your peace, your love, your innate sense of safety, power & freedom, to reclaim your voice, your individuality, your creativity, your spontaneity, wisdom & purpose.

This is my invitation… X